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Does
age truly matter?
by
Chris DeLorenzo
Recently,
my friend Jerry starting dating a man who's ten years older than
he is. These two guys really like each other, they have a lot in
common, and there's a strong mutual attraction; everyone who sees
them together says that they seem really happy.
But
Jerry is often concerned about feeling "too young" or
"not established" enough, and his boyfriend has been concerned
about being "too old." Friends reassure them by saying
they know other couples with a similar age disparity who have been
happy together for many years, so the message is always the same:
age difference doesn't matter.
If
you've met someone significantly older or younger than yourself,
you may have the same concerns Jerry has, so let's take a look at
what you might be worried about.
A
significant age difference
“Significant” may range from ten to fifteen years or more,
but what difference does that really make? The most important quality
in a relationship is having similar priorities and values; being
born in separate decades doesn't mean you don't have similar values.
It's your compatibility that matters most. And if someone has had
more experience than you, it doesn't mean they don't have any lessons
to learn about loving someone. Sometimes they may teach you, but
you still have lessons to teach them as well.
Sugar
mamas and sugar daddies
I reassured Jerry that making more money (or less money) than your
significant other doesn't have to create imbalance; it's what you
decide to do with your money that you must have in common. If you're
both frivolous (or frugal), all that matters is that you share that
outlook.
Comparing
your salaries is ineffective, especially if you're ignoring the
fact that just because he can afford to buy you something expensive
doesn't mean he loves you more. Jerry once brought his boyfriend
marigolds from his garden, and the guy nearly melted. No one wants
to feel they are loved with "things" anyway; they want
to be loved with gestures, communication and affection.
Life
experience and the lack thereof
Finally Jerry had to admit that even if his boyfriend (whose only
36!) has some boyish qualities, 26-year old Jerry must be doing
something right; he must be intellectually and emotionally mature
enough to attract and interest someone older. Though all of us go
through different developmental stages as we grow older, with compassion
and honesty we can respect our partners and support them through
his or her growth.
There
are so many reasons to talk yourself out of the opportunity to experience
a healthy, loving, long-term relationship. But if you reject the
idea that you have to be the same age, and trust your intuition
instead, you are more likely to find what you feel is a truly meaningful
love. My friend Jerry feels loved, supported and respected in his
relationship, and as far as I'm concerned, that's all that matters.
Does
age truly matter? by Christopher DeLorenzo
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